The #1 thing I learned in 15 years of marriage
Fifteen years ago today, Michael and I got gussied up and vowed to love each other without reservation, to challenge and inspire each other, to make passion a priority, to put apology and forgiveness before ego.
It still feels wild to write that — fifteen years with this incredible human being.
I had to do some major healing in my early twenties to even be open to a relationship as beautiful as the one I have now.
You know how people love to say that “marriage is hard work”? Before I met Michael, I was in a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship, and I explained away so much of that behavior by telling myself that of course it was hard — because that’s what society had told me relationships are supposed to be.
Over time, my world got smaller. I said no to things I loved because he didn’t like them or made me feel small for wanting them.
But this isn’t a story about that chapter of my life — it’s about what came next.
Because to have the marriage I have now, I had to unlearn the idea that love = struggle.
The defining quality of my marriage with Michael is this:
With him, my world feels bigger. I feel freer. Everything feels more possible.
We’ve both evolved since we met seventeen years ago — I’ve come into my full, weird, magical self, and he’s deepened into his incredible groundedness and brilliance. (Listen, I’m working really hard not to get too gushy here.)
But the most amazing part? This marriage doesn’t feel like work. Yes, we lovingly tend to it, nurture it, care for it. But it's not labor. In fact, it’s been the most consistently easy, good, and beautiful thing in my life.
Piling on the love during spring break in Costa Rica last March
So yes, today I’m celebrating my beloved and the life we’ve built together. But I also wanted to share this with you because I think this same kind of unlearning is what so many of us have to do in business.
Before I started my business, I worked in environments that mirrored that old, controlling energy — where I felt like I had to prove my worth and couldn’t make a mistake.
When I started working for myself, the first two years were about breaking those toxic work habits. Two years of sustained, conscious behavior change. That might sound like a long time, but compared to two decades of overachieving and grinding? It’s pretty remarkable.
And it worked.
So here’s my invitation to you:
What if you changed your relationship with your business so it felt as good as the most loving relationship you can imagine?
Does your business make you feel freer? More expansive?
Does it allow you to evolve and show up as your truest self?
Or do you feel like you have to prove, shrink, or hide to keep it going?
Because I want more for you than that.
And your business does, too.
Your business has a spirit — and it chose you as its partner.
So ask yourself:
How can you operate differently, knowing you’re in a sacred, loving relationship with the spirit of your business?
P.s. If you want support cultivating that relationship, a Reiki for the Spirit of Your Business session is the perfect place to start.
P.p.s. I have to say, our vows really held up over the past 15 years! Want to see the full thing, in a beautiful watercolor painted by a dear friend? Hit reply and I’ll send it your way.
