I called myself an idiot again

A few weeks ago, after a bad night's sleep, I was puttering around the kitchen doing some meal prep. I'd moved a cast iron pan to a different burner than the one I'd cooked on, and my brain never registered that that burner was hot, too. So when I went to clean the stove, I pinched the edges of the grate between my thumb and pointer finger, and it hurt like crazy. I seriously considered whether I needed to go to urgent care (thank goodness, I didn't). Then I picked up my phone to text Michael about what I'd done, and here's what I said:

The most shocking part of this whole episode is not that I burned my fingers. Apparently I do this about every 10 to 15 years, for the exact same reason, so maybe I'm in the clear for a good long time now.

The shocking part is that I called myself an idiot.

There was a time when that was de rigueur. I spoke to and about myself unkindly all the time. I've broken that habit, thankfully, and the phrase that helped me do it is “sweet love.”

For a long time, whenever I caught myself using language or judgment that would horrify me if I heard someone talk about one of my beloveds that way, or heard one of my beloveds talk about themselves that way, I'd stop and say it: hey, sweet love.

It can be so easy in those moments to fire the second arrow and judge ourselves for judging ourselves. The first arrow is the thing that hurts. The second is everything we pile on top of it. And in what I suspect is a surprise to no one, that is not the path to getting what you want.

So here's my invitation. When you notice yourself talking to or about yourself in a way that isn't brimming with loving kindness, pause, and say it, out loud or in your head: Hey, sweet love. It's all okay. You're human.

Over time, this rewires your neural pathways so your default shifts from judgmental and critical to loving and compassionate. And that is a beautiful, beautiful day.

In that vein, I want to share a song I discovered recently: Ho'oponopono by the Emmitt Sisters. It's a traditional Hawaiian prayer, and it was playing during one of Taryn Toomey's The Class workouts. My daughters and I have had it on repeat ever since. It's so loving.

The voice that reaches for "idiot" first can change what it reaches for. That rewiring is a big part of what I do with clients in private coaching, and if you're ready for kindness to be your default, let's talk.