The other day, a client was telling me how she used to decide whether a prospect could afford her. She'd look at their furniture and their zip code. I started laughing, lovingly, because we have no way of knowing!
The woman in the ritzy zip code might be racking up credit card debt. The woman with hand-me-down furniture might have a pile socked away for exactly what she cares about.
It clicked for my client when she looked around her own house. In her own words, she's doing pretty well. And she's furnished her home with thrift store finds.
Then she told me, "I finally believe that my value and worth are not tied to money." (We'd been circling that one for a long time.) Once she stopped letting money decide her worth, she stopped deciding what everyone else could afford. Money lost its teeth, and she got to use it more powerfully.
Money is fertilizer. It doesn't care what you've planted, and it makes whatever's growing grow faster, the weeds and the wildflowers alike.
If you've ever caught yourself thinking, "Why should I have all this when there's people suffering?", here's my answer.
If you're the woman who'd fund the scholarship, hire the mom returning to the workforce, and show up for the cause that needs her, then the most generous thing a high-achieving woman can do is want more.
Stand under the fertilizer truck with your arms wide open. It's ok if it gets a little messy. ;-)
The research backs this up. In Brazil, economist Duncan Thomas found that unearned income in a mother's hands had a big effect on her family's health, especially on whether children survived. In South Africa, Esther Duflo (fun fact: I took a class with her) found that pensions paid to women improved girls' nutrition.
Money doesn't make anyone more generous. It makes generosity easier. A dear friend of mine had no financial wiggle room and still sent money home to his community and sponsored a child through a nonprofit, because generosity was what was growing in him. Imagine that heart with more.
And if wanting more were "only" for you, that would be enough. The odds of you existing at all are infinitesimal, and you're here, and the universe is on your side. So tend to yourself outrageously lovingly.
That's why I ruin brilliant, high-achieving women for lives that are "good enough."
Then let the ripple do what ripples do.
When you're blessed and entrusted with more, do your part and give more. Give your time. Give your energy. Give your money. Some people are dealt a big fat head start, and if you got one, use it for the people who didn't, especially the ones who've been systemically oppressed. It feels really good. Don't we want our children to see us doing it, and learn to do it themselves?
Helping you figure out what's growing in you, and then go after more of it on purpose, is what I do with women in private coaching, and you're the one who decides what gets the fertilizer. If you're ready, let's talk.
